Celeb Penalty Box

Viggo says ORLI?

2007-09-11T20:16:11Z

Who’s the Lord of the Rings in this Relationship?

This may (or perhaps, may not) come as a shock to you, but recent sources that placed Orlando Bloom at a villa in mid-August are also speculating that he may have been harbouring a co-star visitor. We spoke to a member of the first class staff with a reputable airliner who confirms that Viggo Mortensen was on a flight into that same area just a few days prior.

Viggo, is that a sword in your pocket or..? (Bah, just too easy)

While we’re all likely tiring of lame and repetitive Lord of the Rings jokes, the question begs to be asked: Do they make imitation The One Ring cock rings?

Despite our confirmed source, there’s already more than enough fuel to feed the Viggorli-fire. Photos of the two often show them cuddling, caressing or very nearly copulating.

"Okay, you can wear it tomorrow night, but I get it all weekend long."
Yes, Viggo. We believe you DO get it all weekend long.

Should the rumors prove true, we wish them the very best of luck at finding happiness. Unfortunately, Orlando may have to give up eternal life to be with him. Or is it that Viggo has to get on a boat…? I think there's something about an eye in there somewhere...

Celeb Penalty Box - 09.11.07

Here comes the train again...

2007-07-11T16:19:01Z

Secret Rendez-Vous(lez-vous?) at Union Station

One of our staff reporters was recently at Union Station in Los Angeles, hoping to catch a train back to her hometown for a few restful weeks with her family. But we all know there is no sleep for the wicked, and tabloids have been branded the worst kind of evil. While she was navigating the maze of platforms, she caught a glimpse of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Gael Garcia Bernal crowding on to a train.

Now you may be asking yourself - who are these people and why should I care? But we're here to tell you just that.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

You may recognize this young and accomplished actor as Tommy from Third Rock from the Sun. If that doesn't ring a bell, Joseph also starred in Ten Things I Hate About You and Brick. But more recently, he has been focusing on his own work behind the lens and has been working on more and more festival flicks.

Gael Garcia Bernal

Gael, on the other hand, is a huge name in the Latin community, being Mexican born and yet still able to do a convincing Spanish accent (see: La Mala educacion). You may recognize him from such films as The Motorcycle Diaries and Babel.

The Scoop
So why would anyone be interested in spotting these two together? Well, while Celeb Penalty Box usually is the first to jump on the "in bed together" train, our reporter was unable to confirm if she saw any physical contact between the two. Instead, the staff has become convinced that two of the greatest festival actors have something huge under wraps that they plan to work together on in secret.

Regardless of what kind of activity goes on in front of the lens with Joseph and Gael, they should know that Celeb Penalty Box will be behind it watching their every move.

Celeb Penalty Box - 07.11.07

Flower Re-arrangement

2007-06-21T00:39:30Z

Mystery of the Brand-stache Revealed!

When Killers frontman Brandon Flowers joined the facial hair revolution that seemed to be sweeping Hollywood, we all sat around and scratched our heads. The question that begged to be answered?  Why would the baby-faced alt-rocker put such an 80's porn smear across his upper lip? Well wonder no longer, because we've got a rock solid theory for you.

Not long ago, Flowers spoke openly about Green Day's venue choice for their Bullet in a Bible DVD and their explosive and controversial "American Idiot" single. Apparently the thought of thousands of English teenagers screaming "I don't want to be an American idiot" quote: 'lit a fire' in the flamboyant frontman. Well, have the extinguishers handy, because all that pubic hair on his face could start a flash fire.

  vs.
Brandon Flowers, Billie Joe sees your porn-stache and he is not amused.

But alas, this is only the prologue to our pompous & perposterous plot. What does Billie Joe Armstrong and Green Day have to do with Flowers' lapse in common sense? We here at Celeb Penalty Box believe that there was actually no lapse at all, but rather a cleverly hatched plot in the name of self-defense.

For example, if you plan to speak out against a band that has millions of fans worldwide or that has inspired 90% of the current most popular musical mainstream talents or has years of celebrated success or is more badass than you could ever be, then perhaps you could rely on your own band of over the hill buddies to watch your back. But if you go up against the one band who gets to check off all those boxes... Well, let's just say you better have one hell of an exit strategy.

And Flowers? We can say one thing for him - he's got a plan. Two words: Witness. Protection.

Come on. Has anyone ever seen Dane and Brandon in the same room? Uh huh.  We rest our case.

A 'Flowers' by any other name still looks like an American Idiot.

06.20.07

Gee Frankie, I Think They're On To Us

2007-06-20T06:48:09Z

Gerard Way and Frankie Iero - Who Are You Kidding?

New Jersey's only notable export, alternative rock band My Chemical Romance, seems to have more to boast about recently than merely eyeliner and family feuds (see: no longer touring with brother Mikey). Rhythm guitarist Frankie Iero and lead vocalist Gerard Way are rumored to have been knocking boots on the tour bus recently. One fan, who waited for hours outside of the band's tour bus after their appearance at the Download Festival, told Celeb Penalty Box that she heard "screaming and moaning" in the definitive tone of Gerard.

Hotel staff at a recent stop over also claimed that upon cleaning the suite that Gerard and Frankie had been staying in, they recovered several "brand name lubrication containers" as well as discovered "unmentionable stains" on the bedding.

Gerard and Frankie: Making music together behind closed doors? Lust or Love for Lonely Rockers?

The question that begs to be asked then: is it all about the sex? Fandoms of the band seem to be split down the middle, claiming that Frankie Iero is both "needy and loyal" as well as "slutty and free-spirited". When asked to comment, a representative for the band stated that "Gerard and Frankie are great friends. The whole band is united as a family and they all support one another. There is nothing to substantiate that there may be more to the relationship than simply companionship and comradere."

Here at the Celeb Penalty Box, we like to err on the side of love. A recent research study launched on all publicly released media (whether authorized by the band or not) has returned a flurry of images and video that depict longing and emotion between the two band mates.

Gerard and Frankie share a moment onstage. Note the expression on Frankie's face.

Irregardless of what goes on behind closed tour bus doors, we wish Gerard and Frankie the best. But please guys, do us one favor: keep the screaming down a couple notches.

Celeb Penalty Box - 06.20.07